5 Tips on How to Effectively Communicate When You Feel Angry

Everyone gets angry with someone at some point! What is important is that you resolve conflicts in a healthy way.

If you get angry with your partner, family member, co-worker…anyone at all, there are some steps that you can take for a peaceful resolution:

Stop:

If you get really angry about something, stop, take a step back and breathe. Tell the person you need to take a bit of time before continuing the conversation. Then go and responsibly clear some of your anger by doing the writing and burning technique or simply going for a run, hitting a punching bag etc. 

Introspection:

Give yourself time to become calm by doing some introspection and finding out why you are being triggered so much. To find out how to identify your triggers click here. Think about the situation and why you got so angry. Was it how they spoke or something they did?

Figure out the real reason and then think about how best to explain your feelings.

Communicate without Blame:

When you communicate, avoid yelling and blaming the other person for what you see as problems.

Even when we mean well, we can sometimes come across as harsh because of our word choice. Using “you” can sound like an attack, which will make the other person instantly defensive and less receptive to your message.

Instead, use “I.” For example, say “I feel like we haven’t been as close lately” instead of “You have been distant with me.” Or “I have been feeling unheard,” rather than “You never listen to me.”

Even if both of you are trying to apply good communication to your relationship, mistakes will happen. Do your best to be understanding – you are going to make mistakes too!  You know the circumstance is temporary and that you will survive them. 

Listen:

After you tell the person how you feel, remember to stop talking, and listen to what they have to say. You both deserve the opportunity to express how you feel in a safe and healthy environment. Reflect on what that person says, and if you are not sure what he or she means, then ask by restating their point and asking if you understand correctly.

Never go to Sleep Angry:

If you have an argument…have a pact in place that you both do not go to sleep till the issue is resolved. This will help you work issues out more effectively and promptly. No-one should have to go to sleep with unresolved feelings. Especially if it is your partner and you are sleeping in the same bed! Tense, awkward, and never makes for sound sleep.

Overall, it is not your job to make other people happy and vice versa. That is an impossible task. You are the one who is responsible for your own state of happiness. Do your best to resolve issues with accountability and forgiveness. That is the true road to experiencing more joy and peace in your life.